............I ended up joining a group on facebook specific to kids with special needs in Utah. I may be meeting one of the mom's from that group tomorrow. I hope I do. It will be so nice to meet someone who's dealt with the kind of things we've been going through. ...........I also joined another group that is nationwide and specific to kids with tube feeding issues. This group is pretty cool because I can just go through prior discussions as well as ask any question and almost instantly have an answer from someone who's dealt with the same issue. .........I love technology. Seriously, we can say this isn't easy but 10 years ago it would have been a much lonelier road.
....I keep hearing the G tube is easier but I sure am nervous about this thing. It's been a huge mental hurtle. To know we're placing something directly in Connor's stomach just feels wrong. It feels like we're violating him somehow. He'll have another scar, another appendage, .............trust me, it feels wrong even though we've had enough discussions and researched enough to realize it is the route he needs now. ........I'm wondering what my reaction will be when I first see it. I have looked up images and videos on caring for it. It is truly foreign looking even though it essentially acts the same as an esophagus. ........His going public will be easier in that he won't have something continuously stuck to his face (as in the ng tube). He'll also finally be able to have a tape free face and that will probably feel so good. He won't have something irritating his nose. ............we're doing the right thing so I really don't need to convince myself. I just hate the unknown. Is this going to show that his reflux is even worse or will it be the answer to simply giving extra nutrition until he can handle eating and drinking all on his own. Time will tell.
.........I'll surely make posts to facebook to give the immediate details and at some point will post a few pics. I won't post the g tube pic on facebook so will warn that I will post it on this blog. Some may not be able to stomach the initial look of it and really, it's a little too in your face to post on facebook. .........however, this blog isn't just for friends and family but also for those googling to see that they're not alone in this crazy journey .........wish us luck to get through tomorrow.......pray for Connor to heal quickly tomorrow and each day.......and a little prayer thrown in for my boys and our family coming to visit today.
.........I also should quickly add a thanks for thinking of us while we continuously deal with our emotions lately. Not only for Connor and the everyday family things but for knowing that Ireland has been especially close in our hearts lately. ....I'm not going to lie. Sunday morning was a hard morning. She would have been 3 and I truly had a moment where I was extremely upset and just felt the world was not very fair to my family. That moment lasted most of the day really. ....ya try to swallow your tears but some days it's just hard. Sunday was one of those days but I know people were praying for us, thinking of us and wishing things were easier. I appreciate that. It helps more than you know.
..........lol....I'm such a horrible blogger...write too much but anyway....wanted to say today should be fun. I am truly excited to see my family. My husband's cousin, his wife and three kids will be here. ...it sucks we won't be here the entire time but Sawyer will get to play each day with the kids and I will have additional support here. We will make the best of this time. ...........also, despite Connor's being up so much at night, he's definitely having his rough times during the day but he's also learning to want to play some. He loves things that light up. We're starting to think this has alot to do with his hearing but who cares, he loves the different stuffed animals with light up hearts and faces. He also has a small, hand held type toy with a mirror that he loves. ....Sawyer is hilarious and it's hard for us to keep up with him sometimes. He's really into cars, plain ole' finding something to push while he runs everywhere, he's an avid hoser-downer (gardener of anything he can spray with a hose) and loves singing the itsy-bitsy spider (no words that make sense but he's got some moves!). ...Tristan is seeking a J-O-B. Harder than we would have thought. Hopefully, something will turn up soon. Also, gotta say, my man child is growing up. He's been so much help since he's been home. He doesn't seem as 'mouthy' and is truly helping around here. He's sans girlfriend (and we're so glad, she made me feel I was ready to turn into a teen at times) and realizes (hopefully) that he's better without said girlfriend. ........he actually put Sawyer to bed last night. Have no idea if he knows how incredibly helpful that was. I actually sat my butt in a bathtub last night because there was time for it. Sooooooo nice. .......as for the hubby, Mikey, I married well. Yes, he can be a pain in the butt like all men have simply been made but he is a goooooood husband and father. I have a best friend in him like no other. ...he actually changes diapers, mops floors, does laundry, fixes formula and tends to Connor every night when he comes home from work. Yes, in true man fashion sometimes he seems to think he should have an award when he does these things but more times than I can count, he just does these things because it is who he is. I am lucky and so are my kiddos.
...so today, my birthday, I'm happy. I've already got a nice amount of well wishes from friends and family. I've got family on the way. I have some gorgeous flowers on my kitchen table. I have a family that exceeded my dreams. Friends that are amazing (and Lori, wanted to give you a shout out...love ya!). ....things are good. Could be better but hell, everyone has something going on.