My goal is balance and loving others while honoring myself. I've blogged off and on for years and think I should use this as an exercise in self discovery to see where it leads. I'm a free spirit that has lived fully and well...while also being a bit too fluttery. I'll share here because sometimes I have something to say....and sometimes I like to simply share my 'stuff'. I'm terribly imperfect and aging ('73) despite me constantly thinking I'm still right around 20 something.
It's amazing how easily I can lose sleep. I've felt so unsettled lately and yet finally getting out of bed at 2am, I discover that I truly have everything I want and need. In my mind, I have a list a mile long of house improvements, gardening wishes, healthy dreams for my body, being the most bestest parent I can possibly be (bestest...my word, you may borrow it), cooking and presenting a pinterest spread, traveling everywhere, showing off my beautiful children and having this amazing love from my family and friends....as well as loving my friends and family back to where they have no doubts, ever. .........and amazingly, I have varying degrees of all of this right now. I need to recognize this more often and instead of trying to do everything at once and invariably, lose sleep....map myself out a bit better. .....I think we all have these feelings that we were meant for so much more and yet, we don't stop and realize our amazingness of right now (amazingness...another word, free...for you). I'm not saying that I'm my ideal. Far from it. But there are elements of everything that I love.
1. My house....better yet, our home.
Yes, we could have bigger and better. We could have newer but we have this house.
Ireland's tree...Pre_Connor....umm, not the house.
lol...silly Sawyer baby
ummm....not house...Sawyer again...oh, how cute!!!
WHAT THE?...drunk Mikey.....yes, we know the Giants won....
Umm....seriously, I make cute babies.....the house is coming...just happened to fall on some cute pics from awhile back
OH he was squishy......
funny....he still gets this look.
annoying rocks around property....almost to house
obviously not this year's pic...notice green grass meaning good watering year!.....and the trees? Globe willows that I can tell looking at these pics have grown beyond fast!.....me preggo with Connor here.
dead tree gone.....thanks T and Kyler
OK...Chairs are usually properly placed....and yes, Lucky is there if we dare to be out there!
And flag is no longer on house but in those rocks to the left of Lucky is a giant pole with the flag.....looking at this, I may like the flag on the house better.....though something would still be needed in those rocks
newly 18 and blocking view of scary back steps with all those gifts...can we say spoiled?
I love my house, actually. It's got an old feel to it. It needs way too many improvements. There are design elements that make no sense, the kitchen is awful (though slowly improving), the stairs are just horrid looking, going outside to the back is a fearful moment because the stairs are so narrow, the porch could really use some work, the light fixtures are again horrid (horrid, the best word I can come up with for just hideous and awful), I wish I had a bigger hallway, our 'master bedroom' isn't exactly 'master' anything, our bathroom is tiny, we have a second kitchen that makes no sense upstairs, we have no basement, there has been a leak in/over our kitchen window forever and it's been fixed a gazillion times with no success (professionally and home fixed), downstairs is always cooler and upstairs warm to hot now that we lost one of our awesome trees out back, my guest bedroom/craftroom/office is all inclusive in one very small room (but hey, it's more than I had before), we still have far too many white walls when I crave color, the city has rocks surrounding our property towards the road that is notorious for weeds and I truly wish we'd just say screw the city and extend grass there (we wouldn't be the first to have done this though apparently, the hubby believes there are "rules to be followed")...hmmpf..........and yet, deep down, I love this place. I actually picked this house out over a short weekend (long story for another time). I loved the porch. I loved the old feeling of it. I loved that there was a shady back yard. I loved that there was room for various "areas" on our little half acre plot. I loved that there was a half acre (considered a downright luxury for this area, for our budget and seriously, this is suburbia.....not, the hundred acre farm I grew up on) . BTW, I could have bought that farm I grew up on but Mikey's beloved career is here in Utah.....so, this is home now and after years of unsettled discontent, I have grown to love many aspects of home being here. I, of course, miss family but that is a far longer post for another time and truly, when you make home anywhere, you must make peace and love it. Soooo, I have peace and love it. ......I love that we have a big shed...messy, no power, but potential. I love that we have a fence now so our boys can run amok. I love that I keep my home just "clean enough" and decorated "enough" that Tristan loves having friends here and that even on "messy" days, we love having anyone over.
..............sooooooo, after all that mess of a paragraph......I love my home. I need to take pics and detail all the changes I want to make. I need to give myself a time table of sorts. I need sleep and to be a good mama so I need to keep myself in check of reality when making this time table. I'll be sure to take pics and post everything. ..........I'm in need of change.....again........so, the blog will be a host to this. I thought of changing the blog and then decided this is part of our life.......so, the blog will not change. The look may as I incorporate anything I learn.....but essentially, the blog will just stay the same.
2. Everything else. .......basically, life is not pinterest though we have a gazillion little "pinterest" moments all the time. I'm a good cook, not Donna (my sis in law who can't be beat for cooking) or Sara (again, sis in law that isn't only a great cook but decorator extraordinaire).........anywho, cooking. I have an arsenal of never fail foods that grace our plates just enough that our family doesn't become MSG glow spirits. I have some pretty plates and some dishes that look magazine worthy. We have "those" moments. But last night, Tristan fed us his leftover KFC chicken, some boxed potatoes and canned corn. A few nights ago, we had homemade Italian food that was downright restaurant worthy. Last night, I had one of those think ahead moments and made a bunch of muffins for this morning (thank GOD!!!, because, man, I'm not going to want to make breakfast after only 4 hours of sleep!). ........my garden is doing ok for an area that is rationing watering outside to twice a week (not cool but people forget around here that Utah is the second driest state in the nation so we deal with it). .....My body has been through 5 pregnancies. I had one miscarriage, one beautiful daughter and my three sons (now sing the "my three sons" jingle....). It's not 20 anymore but it's not 100 either. I was blessed with great skin, narrow hips, decent legs, soft hair, my own perkies, and a natural attitude of sexiness is far deeper than what many think here in the good ole USA. I have grown to love yoga and should do it much more than I do. I appreciate that I can walk (a gazillion stays in a children's hospital can teach you a thing or two about appreciating health). I should do much more of just going outside and walking around versus finding a comfy spot to watch kiddos. My jiggly stuff really isn't that jiggly though it's bigger than I prefer. I've actually been losing weight but way slower than I wish though I'm finally at an acceptable activity and diet level that I can maintain for the long haul. So.....actually, I'm probably doing the whole diet thing right for once. I've begun writing everything I eat down. It's made a huge difference for me. Some days, I'm a ridiculous glutton...other days not eating near enough. I can't explain it.....I just know plain old writing down what I eat has me losing weight. Slow, yes....but losing. I'm right at having lost 12 pounds now. This has taken me about two months. Yeah, totally slow but I figure if I keep this up, by fall, I'll be a little happier with my mirror. By winter, maybe a 40 year old, tiger striped goddess/nudist. I kid.....maybe. ..........and the mom thing. I sooo got this. I'm a crazy you-know-what on occasion but mostly, I know I'm a good mom. The crazy part usually is with the teen though the babies have pushed me to the edge on occasion. .....I'm human. I'm also preferring being real with my kids versus them growing up and feeling a bit deceived or not really knowing me but just some mom image that others say you or I should be. ......this is an entirely different post but I'll say that some of my "church" problems have alot to do with how I was told repeatedly that I was so good and loving as a christian when I was young and then as I got older and made a few steps off course (as we all do), I was judged rather harshly. Also, as I continued to love EVERYONE regardless of a preconceived notion of the person or their lifestyle, I was told that Christians don't necessarily love "everyone".........it's like the rules changed. ......funny, I am still a christian and I still believe you should love everyone and that we all make mistakes or go down the wrong road......and that I'm forgiven and that the crazy neighbor with the bad mouth, the weird looking couple that seems to have weird habits, the scary dude that has too many tattoos, the two guys who love each other, the lady that dresses a little too provocative to get attention she craves, and that notoriously perfectionist Mormon kook.....well, I love them all too. And I think it's a Christan thing...a moral thing....a God thing....a love your neighbor thing....a teach your kids thing...a we're all connected thing....a total love your mother earth thing........
OK, got on a tangent. It's a middle of the night sort of post. I'll leave with some kiddo pics and the promise that my blog will be changing here and there. It may be another month, or tomorrow.......but changes are a coming and it's all good. ........and the ton of pics are over the last year so friends and family can get excited for our visit this next month!!!!.........wow, we've come far in a year.